Combination brief sharing and confession

No idea how am i feeling now =/
No idea how am i feeling towards this year, 2010.
It doesn't felt like it.
It felt like i'm still living that's all i can tell.
But i knew that i'm one pain in the ass ><
Sometimes, simple things i cant even get it right. That's such a shitty thing. Then later that have to go all out of control in front of others. What shit is that man? (Not you readers lol)


So much to say but i dunno where to start off from. Sometimes i just wanna get myself drunk and numb myself just for one day before i even get back into reality but drinking those liquor is not going to help much, doesn't it? Instead, taking fresh air and looking out to nature is way much more better than gulping down those liquor, right? By taking a walk during the night might help a lot, for that moment. lol




I don't even know who am i anymore. I felt.. Lost. Kinda. I think I've lost my feelings as well. It's daRn irritating when you have no idea how are you feeling sometimes. Sometimes you don't even know why are you living for. I know my purpose for life but.. sometimes as time goes by, i often asked, "Am i even going to survive to get into heaven?" I'm starting to doubt. Little by little, i'm slipping away from You. WHY?




I remember a pastor told me................

Life is full of Crisis.

But in Crisis, there's a chance.
A chance to learn, success and walk with others.

Come to think of it, life isn't as easy as i thought. Often enough, we look back into the passed but not the future. Often we said....

" I used to be like that"
" I used to this.............."
" I used to that..........."

So many USED..



What if the world ends tomorrow?
Am i even going to be in Your “Book of Life"?



At this moment, i really doubt.
Please held me back to your embrace.
I admit that i'm afraid that i'm not one of your daughter who can share your kingdom.
I'm afraid of the heat of the HELL will burn me for eternity.

Lord, please held me back to your embrace.

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Who Am I - Casting Crowns

PS:: If you're reading this, dear reader, do try to listen to it through YouTube or wherever you wanted too. Because it meant alot.

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt



Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart.



Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me



Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are



I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind



Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours




I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

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We were so tiny.
Even tiny than the sand.
But still, You love US more than you love your angels.

每一个失败是成功的机会
Every failure is a chance of success



只有怕的人才往后看
Only those who are afraid will look backwards.



每一个痛苦都是能力的从生，别人的祝福与品格的塑造
Every pain that we been through in Our lifes gives us the ability to raise again, become other people's blessings and character shaping ourselves into a better person.



痛苦是过去了，可是它却留下美好的结局
When the pain is gone, it left with a beautiful ending

Hoping that i would become a better person because i'm already losing myself and i'm sorry to those who i've hurt through my words without my realization.


Especially Jason Tam Chee Yoong and Lee Chin Gen. You guys were more than friends to me and i really love both of ya, same way goes to Soo Teng but not as much as both of ya. I'm not sure how long this friendship will last because it seems like everyone's going to break up soon. But what we all could do NOW, is treasure the time that is left for us.



Here is my confession to the both of ya, I know i've done a lot of wrong and i'm one annoying brat which sometimes annoyed the hell out of you guys. You guys had been very patience towards me even though i'm such a monkey at times and i'm such an asshole -.-




I'm loud and i'm rough but you guys still accept me
I'm stupid and stubborn but you guys still accept me
I'm sometimes inpolite(well.. many all the time) but you guys still accept me

I'm sometimes brainless but you guys still accept me

So many more but I couldn't name out. As long both of ya know what i'm trying to say and those times we've been together, what i've said and done that hurt both of ya, i'm truly sorry.

I apologize

You guys were like my small little family that i couldn't live without, including Soo Teng. I'm not sure what will come next after this whole foundation year comes to an end but we'll just look at how God's plan goes.



As for Gen, I'm not sure about Jason but i'll be here with you when mummy leave. I'll be your ears and everything. I would do anything to keep you alive(not the really-go-die meaning la -.-)
Pump you up, i guess. And i know i suck at it ><>I know i've hurt you TOO MANY times til you felt numb but you have to understand that sometimes, i really am brainless so you should point out whenever if my words burns you. Don't be afraid to tell me =)
After all, we're brother and sister right? ;)
lol





So many more but.. i guess i'll stop here because blog is kinda public. So.. that's all for today =)


Toodles



Thank You for reading



Great days ahead ppl..




~GraceKoh~