HER, my life ♥♥♥

When she was young, I used to stick to her like a magnet. Remembering the day when i first met her. It felt like as if I've fallen in love with the world most cutest thing ever! I've known that my cats and "cats that i USED" to adopt are beautiful but after meeting HER, she was the ONLY thing that i have my eyes on.




Remembering every night, i always peep at her where she was sleeping under my bed. Kiss her on the forehead after saying goodnight. Rushing back home from college just to see her. First sentence when I'm back will be always either "where is she?" or "how is she doing" instead of "mummy, i'm home"





Hmmm.. i guess at my 18/19years, i've finally know how to love people and things? Hmmm.. for the first time, i manage to find things that i could love more and put my love more on them. And yes, i learned to fall in love for the very first time. Maybe not on humans yet, but animals. Humans, maybe i've found one. But i'm not sure whether that person will finally let me walk in those those doors that their hiding themselves back at =)



Not denying that it WAS very tiring. But at least she taught me be to be patient and taught me to love her more even though how much pain and headache she gave me. And most importantly, she reminds me of my parents. Weirdly, somehow she almost has the same character as i did except that the fact she LOVES milk and i dun =S

Hmmm.. Why would i say that she reminded me of my parents? Firstly, she's like a mirror to me. She reflected me. And i have responsibility to take care of her, which in another word, i'm her "parent". She was soo stubborn til i often wanted to kill her and tell her "NO!" she cant do this and that. I might be looking and babbling like i'm angry and regretting for having her from the outside but one thing still remains, my heart always aches when she did something wrong and my love for her never fades a single itch. But this was only for a year?



Imagining my parents have me as their child for 19years. How tiring it can be when you have a daughter like me? Never once i realized any of this. Not until these few months. Blaming them that they never did anything for me? Arguing that they dun understand me? What's the use? Well, maybe i didn't blame them -.-

Last night(Friday), i went down klang for a gathering with the fellowship. On the way back, i got lost. By then, it was nearly 10.30pm. The road was dark and it's a kampung road. Yes, i'm afraid and i'm so FREAKING tired because it's ald night time. With no road lights on, i have to "extra" use my eyes power to freaking look at the road so that i wont bum into some dead animal body or bang some lorry from opposite of the road that i'm driving at.

Yes, i was pissed. I just wanna go home. By the time when i got home, it was ald 11.35pm. Thank goodness manage to find the way. Tiring but yet, as i opened the front gate in order to park the car into the porch, without any effort, she jumped into the car as i opened the gate. She sat at the car's driver sit and as i got into the car, she automatically shifted herself to the passenger sit and sat down quietly. Maybe groaning a little. Like she's saying "how's your day?"

I moved the car in. I turned off car headlights. Closed my eyes and lean my head against the driver sit with a sigh. This was when she came up to me and lean her head against my chest. I hugged her and squeezed her. She never hold back but she dig her head more nearer to me. I looked at her eyes for awhile and she looked back at me. She licked my cheek *in dogs, means kissed* i kissed her back on her forehead and hugged her again.

Everything disappeared at that moment.
Tiredness, anger, disappointment, fear.
EVERYTHING.

I felt that as if i've neglected her for awhile and finally having a few days to spend with her. It paid the price. She started to understand me and showed appreciation.

For the passed few days, I spent hours bringing her out because i was going through some rough times and i needed space so i've been spending most of my time with HER. Talking, running and just staying silence with her.



Back to reality, this reminds me of my parents coming back from work. All they need is just a little appreciation and that's the most wonderful thing that can ever happened in the world.

As a conclusion for this post, i've learned that........

Firstly, if you want people to love you, you, yourself have to start by loving them first. Especially the love you have for your family, sometimes it might not be pleasant because sometimes, not because they dun love you, just that they DON'T know HOW to show or to tell you that they love you. Blame them or whatever you wanna do, but by the end of the day, they are STILL your family. I believe that God had his own purpose for putting everyone of us in different families.

Secondly, Sometimes, when you did something for them, this will make them love you even more and they'll change. This is what happened to me and her. And i'm now planning by starting of at my family =)

Qiu Hong, a friend of mine, said to me: You have to start by loving God. Because only God's love for us is real. Without loving him, you wont be able to love others. Yes, you might be able to love others but not in a correct way.

Thirdly, Don't try to change anyone because that will never happen. If you did, congraz to you. But was that person happy with who he/she become? We do not know. But what i've learn is maybe we can start by changing ourselves ;) and soon, people will see YOU for who you really are. And you might not know, maybe they'll even change? =)

Great days ahead people..


~GraceKoh~

The end? Or new chapter?

Date :: 12 June 2010
Time :: 20:27pm

It's the end of our story?
Or was it the beginning of our new story?

No one knows
No one cares
Time, will tell.

Promise fulfilled..

Two years ago, on this day, at this hour. I was in my room and I was asking myself, "HOW TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE?" Daylight, i'm trying to be a tough girl who have no emotions on her face. No laughter. Nothing. At night, i'll be covering myself to bed in tears. I'm such a lifeless person back then. So anti social. Especially i'm starting to HATE boys but that was only a short period of time. lol. Not until i met my college mates. That's the most scariest part but thank God, i ain't interest on lesbian stuff altho i still do check girls out with Nelson everyday in school, even now still =p



Two years later, on this day, at this hour, I'm sitting in front of my desktop, typing this out.
Being MYSELF.
Being happy about my life.
Being happy being SINGLE. lol.

I couldn't believe howdah time flies. But it really does.

Yesterday, it used to be our anniversary day.
Two years later, it was not. Not anymore. Not ever after the following days or years.

What i'm trying to say is that, Thank YOU =)

Nope, not in a sarcastic way but in a way of thanking you for letting me see the world for once and letting me to do things that i've always wanted to do most, which are crazy shits ;)

And thank you for hurting me because if it wasn't for you, i wouldn't have been a better person today. Mostly childish i guess. lol.




Thank you for letting me know how it was like to fell in love and to be loved back at the same time. Although i'm not sure by then do i really understand the meaning of "LOVE" but I'm sure most of my actions that i had done towards you already said it all.


And to you, Yu Shi Yang, i've shown and prove to you what i can do and i've kept my promise to you for being single.



Yes, this promise is for you and myself.

I'm doing it for you, is because you're the only one left to help me through with my sorrows by then. Remembering that night, Yeah, those harsh words, those tears, those eyes, those disappointment, you've told me over and over again. And in the end, you made me make this promise. Not knowing would i make it, you doubt. But in order to prove it to you that "I CAN!!!", i bared the pain til it numbed me. Til it fade away.......

I'm doing it for myself is because i still have my parents to depend on me later in life and i know that they would never survive later in life without me. I'm doing it for my future, my SPM cert, my trust towards my parents. EVERYTHING. I'm walking on storns as each steps i take. But because of this, i was a better person today.



Not easy i could say. Especially when your parents tend to always doubt you every single hours and days and accuse that you're lying to them which made you dont even know you should say the truth or tell lies. Because when you tell them the truth, they think you're lying and when you didn't tell them, it gets even uglier. Obviously, TRUST wasn't there anymore. All they know is to add oil into the fire which burns you til you dun even felt like living anymore.



Another thank you to my precious beloved Father in Heaven. With YOU, with your love, your hands and your words, my scars and wounds are heal. Not immediately but slowly. Often enough, i kneeled before you to search for you for support because there was none in this world and i'm lost. Everything seems so meaningless yet, you've used so many people in my life to help me out through this hard time. Coincidentally? No, because I've known all this while, you allowed these people to appear because it was part of your plan in my life. I've been blessed and even til today, i am still. Sometimes things still doesn't goes as perfect as it should be =)



But one thing for sure, I've never been happier than before. In this two years, I've learn to love life more when you're still single because there's so much you can do without being attach to anyone. You're on your own. No one to tied you up. No one to control you on what you're doing. No one who will worry or care about you, no one who will stick to you like a sticky glue til you cant even breathe etc, vice verse. I've learn to grow and find myself for who i really am and what I'm capable of instead of always not having my own stands and view. I've learn about, every page of our life is a new chapter. So what if it ends? Why am i even holding back from making new memories. But obviously, it took a year later from making me realizing that -.- dang~!

Yeap, hard enough to keep a promise when you've made it because things will still tempted you from the corner of our sideways as we walked in life but it's up to us to set our minds straight and say............

"Hey, no. Come back! Promise is more important.

I've made it, then fulfill it!

Don't be like other people.

I MUST take responsibility for what i've promised

and show them I CAN!!!"

Who cares if the person who you've told to forgotten what you've used to promise to him/her about, as long you still remember what you, yourself promised. then, fulfill it!

I've just never been this proud of myself. lol. Cheh =p
But really, the journey was.. indescribable. For those who've been through heart breaks. As in the real real real heart breaks, you'll understand how'd it felt like ;)

It took me years to overcome it. And i'm now officially over it. Only memories that were left to be remembered ;) not ever once, i blamed or complain about why do i have to meet you or go through all this with you but only grateful. Hopefully you're doing great in life too, because i am =)

Cheers~!!!!

Great days ahead people..


~GraceKoh~

I remembered that night......

The night was cold, the wind was strong. I still remembered the 5 of us were walking across the seafront. It was night time. I wasn't concentrating on what they're talking because i was covered up in my own imagination world.

As i walked, I remembered feeling of the soft sands saying "HELLO" to my little feet. They were melting against me as i take each steps on 'em.
I remembered seeing the stars twinkling above me as i looked up to the dark blue sky.
I remembered seeing the beautiful moon that I've never seen back in Subang.
I remembered hearing the waves crashing against the shore gently.
I remembered the wind blew against my cheeks. Strong but gentle and comforting.
I remembered seeing yellowish light bulbs on my right where music filled the air. People were dancing, eating, playing with sands and some were even dating. lol.


Amazing how'd it all felt, and that's when i thought of YOU.

"How Great Thou Art" was the song that describes it all. I remembered the other day, i don't get it why as i sang that song, tears started to float and soon, they started drifting down on my cheeks.

How i wish i could turn back time when i'm still at Redang when everything just seems right. I regretted for not doing the one thing i've always wanted to do when i get the chance to be on the beach. Which is lay myself on the soft sands and looking up to the stars.

I've always wanted to do that but i just don't get it why didn't i do so during then -.-

I guess we all have our own side on what we wanted/planned to do when we get the chance to be on beaches, huh? Well, com'on, more or less, sometimes we'll tend to imagine things that are not gonna happen and which it's crazy -.-




Sometimes, some people will tend imagine to have a fairytale story on the beach. Some, hmmm.. I don't know. But yeah, i admit -.- Sometimes i do wish there will be fairytales but obviously, those are just bullshits -.-

But whenever i think of beaches, all i wanted to is to lay there in silence. Even alone or with a person will do. If that's someone special, like a BEST BEST friend or just anyone who's important to me, it would be more beautiful. But i prefer to stay silent. Because all I wanted to do at that moment is to listen to the sound of the waves which are so incredibly beautiful. Or maybe run like a small kid at the seafront but people might think i'm crazy -.-

Okay -.-
I'm feeling like such an idiot for saying stuff like this.
But overall, i just feel like going back to beaches and do the one thing that i could do =( But will there be another chance of doing so? Laying down on those soft sands and look up to the sky and hear the sound of those waves?

I don't know...................

~GraceKoh~